If you are a divorcee, you know full well that the emotional challenges that a divorce can bring are wide and deep and even more, no fun at all. I don’t have to elucidate them, but I will. I think perhaps listing some that I’ve known and experienced might trigger off some in you that you’ve been pushing to the background with those “I can handle this” kind of thinking.

Divorce makes you struggle with self doubt. “What did I do wrong? Aren’t I capable of choosing a spouse? My family will think less of me. How will I be able to survive on my own?”

Divorce makes you suffer fear. “I am so afraid this divorce will be harmful to my children. How will I be able to hold down a job, run a house and take care of the kids by myself? The financial burden seems overwhelming on my salary.”

There is an entire psychological array of negative feelings you go through when you are divorced, like: abandonment, fear, anger, and loss, grief, anxiety, sorrow, guilt, denial and depression. Each of these is inside you to some degree or another, which is why I’m writing an article about self-care. With all this buffeting, you’ve simply got to put some self-care techniques into place, or you won’t be there for yourself, first, and your kids, secondly. Each of you deserves the best.

Self-care techniques.

- Learn how to meditate. Ten minutes of meditation will help you drain away negative thinking and restore your sense of can-do. – Exercise is another way to drain off stress and restore a sense of well-being. Find some exercise that you really enjoy.

- Organize yourself. Pick one closet, or your desk, and totally put it into order. If you become organized, your mind knows that nothing is pending and relaxes. If you will tackle one thing at a time, in due process, your entire home will be organized.

- Eat consciously and only for the sake of enjoyment. Don’t add any other thought to eating that is not about enjoyment, like “This is fattening.” That kills the enjoyment.

- Talk to your friends. After the children have fallen asleep, use this time to chat with your friends and let your hair down. It’s very rejuvenating.

- Use self-care products. If it were me, and at one time it was, I would create a basket of self-care items to find personally appealing. If you’re a woman, lotions and potions can go into the basket. Special oils for your bath. Special bubble bath soaps. For men, aroma therapy candles, heel and hand therapy lotions, maybe a nice sugar scrub. I found one that smells like margaritas!

Being divorced doesn’t have to completely decimate you. You’ll eventually heal from issues of self-doubt. Remember: you are the key element in that formula called “My One Sweet Life” so don’t leave you out of it. Take care.

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Being a lawyer is a hard job.  A lawyer needs to deal with lots of legal information.  But what makes a lawyer a GOOD lawyer is their ability to be clever and skillful in finding ways around the laws and ways in twisting a story in their client’s favor.  Book smarts will only get a lawyer so far in the court system–but skill and creativity will get a lawyer a strong reputation among the others. 

When it comes to fighting your ex-wife in court, it is important to employ some skillful strategies in order to get what you truly want from your divorce settlement.  Facts can only go so far in the courtroom, but a little street smarts and creativity on your part could really turn a case around for you.  Instead of just stating the facts, perhaps you could offer speculative information that will get the judge thinking.  You’ll want to make sure, as well, that you utilize every hardship your ex-wife could claim in your favor.  And do your best at concealing any hardship on your side, too.  Provide information that you know your ex-wife will forget to include in divorce court, or provide statements from key players in the decision-making process–perhaps your marriage counselor could share a statement that could include some helpful information to the courts that could put the blame on her shoulders instead of yours. 

There are many tactics that you can use to get case dominance.  Just because your wife has an attorney on her side, doesn’t mean that you’re set up for failure in the courts.  It’s important to think like a lawyer and utilize those problem-solving skills you’ve used throughout your life to get you where you are.  Knowing a few strategies and techniques for persuading people in your defense will get you what you want from the courts.

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