Avoid divorce

Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.

We have been told that couples have been earmarked by God before we were sent on this earth and when we actually solemnize a marriage, it is just execution of that will of God and therefore, we should accept this will of God as final and therefore, we should be happy that we have executed the will of God. Divorce is not ordained by God and therefore, we should avoid divorce and we should allow this marriage to continue till we are alive on this earth.

In spite of these philosophy of life, divorces are there and if we count, we shall find that thousands of divorce petitions are still pending in the Courts established by the state in each country. If we have a reading of the grounds of these divorce petitions, we shall find the following items repeatedly laid down in divorce petitions:-

(1) The other party is having lower qualifications and therefore, the other party is not having income sufficient to run the family administration.

(2) If the petition is from the side of the wife, she is telling that she is not in a position to adjust herself with the joint family especially with her mother in law and sisters in law.

(3) The husband is impotent and is not able to perform satisfactory sexual intercourse.

(4) The husband is drug addict, drunkard, opium eater or the like and is wasting all his income and time outside the house.

(5) The wife is living in adultery and the husband has got relationship with other women. She may be having grounds that her husband is visiting prostitutes or attending to dancing and call girls.

(6) In most of the petitions submitted by the wives, they are placing before the Courts that they are beaten and at times the people from the house of their in laws, they are demanding more and more dowry and they are threatening that if she fails to being more dowry, they shall kill her.

(7) The wives are coming our with ground that their husbands are calling their friends and force them to have sexual intercourse with their friends.

(8) Most of the women say that they are not being believed by their husbands and therefore, they are not allowed to handle accounts of the family and therefore, they are not tolerating all this.

(9) Some women are coming out with the ground that they are not taken in confidence in all the matters concerning the family and they are excluded from all such serious discussions and they are not in a position to tolerate.

(10) Some husbands are complaining that most of the time of their wives is wasted in visiting their own parents.

(11) Some women are coming out with complains that their husbands are not having natural sex with them but are utilizing other methods which are not physically possible.

(12) Some of the husbands oust their wives because they are giving birth to females when they demand male children.

(13) Some women are not able to adjust in the house of their in laws and they want separation and if they do not get due response from the side of the husbands, they file divorce petitions.

(14) Most of the people in the houses of the in laws are not understanding the fact that this woman has not joined their house as a domestic servant and when they still take her as a domestic servant, she files divorce petition.

(15) People in the house of her in laws are not understanding that this new bride had come from a house where she had been given all the respo0nsibilities and all were having faith in her and were giving her all important keys to keep and handle cash, but in the house of her in laws, all are having no faith in her and she does not tolerate this belief and files a divorce petition.

(16) The wife wants money from her husband and when she is obliged to beg money from her mother in law, from her father in law or from some other member in the family of her in laws, she does not tolerate all this and she is filing divorce petition under forced circumstances.

(17) If the wife is not keeping herself clean and is giving out bad smell the husband shall not tolerate her and there are chances that he would file a divorce petition.

(18) The wife must be up-to-date and must know all new techniques of make-up and must keep herself fresh and a changed lady each day and if she fails, there are chances that the husband shall file a divorce petition and similarly if the husband is not preparing himself as per demands and wishes of her wife, there are chances that he would file a divorce petition.

(19) Sometime a bride is not liking the age of the husband and therefore, it should be seen that the couple should not have more that the prescribed age difference.

(20) When a partner is not having good health, the other partner may not tolerate an ailing partner.

(21) If the husband is earning partner he should hand over his income to the wife and then he may be taking money from her. If he keeps money accounts with himself, there are chances that his wife may leave him. She wants to become a full-fledged owner of the house and in India she is designated as ‘Ghar wali’ which means the owner of the house.

(22) The husband wanted a charming lady, but she is not beautiful as per his expectations and some other woman has come in this contact who is ready to marry that fellow if he divorces the first wife.

(23) In countries like India if the women is also an earning partner, she would like to have more rights in the house and if she fails to get all those demands, she shall like to divorce. The men in India must try to learn as how they would be able to live with their earning wives because they are not allowed to follow the same pattern which their forefathers had been following.

(24) The husband should take his wife on a holiday trip for some days in each year so that she could get refreshment and if he fails, there are chances that she may divorce him.

(25) The husband must know the art of appreciating the other partner and this appreciation should be right one and not mere exaggeration, and he must have new words on each day and must utter those words in the ear of his woman.

(26) Both must try to spend each night as the first night of their marriage and therefore, they should have separate bed room and they must have full privacy because such accommodation is the will of the woman and if she fails to get such accommodation and facilities, there are chances that she may divorce.

(27) Inter caste marriage are not successful in India because here people are divided into religions and castes and they should not that all these barriers are like boundaries of the countries and crossing limits is prohibited. If they could continue, their children shall suffer because most of people shall not contract marriages of their wards with such children who are cross-breeds.

(28) Each partner should try to earn faith of the other and must be honest, sincere, must have regard, love and affection for the other.

(29) None of the partners should talk about his or her old relations and they should not appreciate such people who were their close friends prior to marriage.

(30) The couple must take side of each other and they should not take side of another member in the family when there is quarrel.

(31) The couple should help each other in day to day work and when one is ill, the other should serve him or her and try to have proper treatment.

(32) The husband should never say that his wife is with low education and is from a backward family and similarly the wife must avoid such comments on her husband.

(33) The bride must see that she is not developing more relations with father in law and brothers in law and ignore the mother in law and the wives of her brothers in law. Similarly the husband must avoid having more relations with wives of his brothers.

(34) The husband should avoid teaching something in presence of his parents, his sisters or his brothers because his wife would take such teachings as insult to her and she would not tolerate.

These are some of the points which are often included in divorce petitions and therefore, the couple must know all these points and if need be they are at liberty to add more points in this list and both the partners should try to follow these points in every day life. It is expected that the number of divorces shall come down and the people shall start following the will of God and the couple shall marry only once and shall not file divorce petitions.

—————————

Technorati Tags: Avoid, Divorce

I often write about saving your marriage and preventing divorce. One of the tips I often give is that if the husband is just not responsive to your attempts to save the marriage, has one foot out the door, and you are just not getting through to him, that you should (as a last resort) agree that a break is needed. This is because agreeing will greatly lesson the tension and any of the walls that he is putting up to block your attempts at reconciliation. In essence, agreeing with your husband is meant to buy you time and make the job of saving the marriage ultimately easier. In this article, I will clarify what I mean when I say that there are situations where you should agree with your husband when you are trying to prevent a divorce or save a marriage.

I Don’t Mean Lying, Neglecting Your Own Feelings Or Agreeing Just To Keep The Peace At Your Own Expense: When I say that you should agree with your husband to save the marriage, I don’t mean that you should put your own feelings on the back burner and lie about how you really feel. 

If an issue is an important to you, I would never advise you to downplay it at your own expense. But, I also know from experience and from extensive research, that people tend to beat an issue to death so that eventually it takes a life of it’s own and then contributes to all sorts of negative feelings that will deteriorate a marriage. There are constructive ways to work through an issue while maintaining both husband and wife’s dignity and integrity. And, there’s a way to get your point across in a way that unites rather than divides you. 

When I used to get so caught up on these issues that I could no longer see the forest for the trees, a very good friend of mine used to stop me and ask, “Leslie, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” I’d rather have both, but ultimately, I’d rather be happy. It’s important not to let your indigence and inability to bend or compromise push your husband further away when that’s not at all what you really want deep down.

I Don’t Mean Agreeing To A Divorce. First, Agree That The Marriage Needs Work And Agree To A Break To Work On Yourselves If You Have To: I want to clarify that when I saw to agree, I don’t mean agreeing to a divorce. I would never advise that. I was always very clear to my husband that I would never concede to a divorce. It was never what I wanted and I wasn’t willing to gamble that far.

In the best case scenario, you can both agree that the marriage needs work. This will confirm that you are both committed to working on and saving the marriage and you can then come up with a unified, concrete plan to fix it. However, before you start having deep discussions, you should first restore feelings of affection and empathy (very important.)There are tons of excellent resources I’ve listed on my blog to help with this.

It’s highly important that when you reach this agreement, you do everything you can to elicit positive feelings in your husband and your marriage and make your best effort to show him the best version of yourself – that carefree, loving, happy go lucky, intriguing woman he first fell in love with.

If the situation is beyond agreeing to work on or save the marriage, then the next step is agreeing to a break. This is sometimes necessary when it’s clear that your husband is dead set on it and you feel it necessary to call his bluff or diffuse the situation. Agreeing to a break though can work to your advantage, which I’ll discuss below.

If You Have To Agree To A Break, Use It To Your Advantage To Save The Marriage: Once you’ve made the call to agree to a break, use it to your full benefit. One thing that almost always happens is that when two people are apart, it will bring to the forefront issues that they both miss and do not miss about the other person. This often brings about nostalgic feelings or feelings of curiosity as to what the other person is up to or how they are fairing. It’s extremely important that you play this correctly.

While it’s important that your husband knows you love him and are committed to saving the marriage, your job right now is to demonstrate that you are an attractive, worthwhile, alluring individual who respects herself enough to remain active and do those things that make her happy. See friends. Pursue old hobbies. Get a make over. Pick up all of those things you’ve been dying to do but have put off. Go on vacation. Do what ever you have to do to put a genuine smile on your face. 

Leak this to mutual friends so that your husband knows about it – and the next time you see or talk to him, display this alive, busy, forward moving person that he may not have known was lurking. Not only will this peak his interest, it will keep your self esteem in tact during a trying time. You want to play it so that when your husband thinks of you, he doesn’t envision a depressed woman sitting on the couch with wrinkled clothing and a sour, sad face.

Instead, you want him to see the alive, attractive woman he first fell in love with – and you want him to miss her immensely.

I never agreed to a divorce when my husband wanted it, but I did make some concessions that I believe worked well for me. This may have seemed like “giving in” at the time, but, in the end, it was actually all part of a larger plan on my part. You can read my very personal story of how I agreed with my husband and then got moving to save my marriage on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

Technorati Tags: Agree, Apart, Divorce, Husband, Marriage, Save, Should, split, Take, Time

China restricts foreign adoptions as demand grows at home SHANGHAI — During the past decade, China has been the top foreign destination for Americans seeking to adopt children. As China has prospered and government restrictions have increased, however, the number of U.S. couples being allowed to adopt there has dropped sharply, and experts say there’s little reason to believe the trend will reverse. Read more on McClatchy Newspapers via Yahoo! News

Technorati Tags: adoptions, China, demand, foreign, grows, Home, restricts

If your marriage has reached the point where you or your ex have decided that it’s time to move on without one another, you’re probably at a point where your stress levels are high, your feelings are hurt, and you’re looking for some sort of closure to the unhappy situation. Oftentimes, this closure is divorce, and the realization of what’s happening can be chaotic. This is when you’re most vulnerable to making the biggest divorce mistakes. Here are the top five mistakes that men and women make when filing for divorce and what you can do to avoid them:

1. Bringing a “Friend” Around The Kids Too Soon: Dating After Divorce.

It’s tempting. There is a new “someone” in your life who is supportive and you are grateful to have him or her in your life. Naturally, that means introducing him or her to your children, but don’t jump into this new family dynamic too soon. Children of divorce are frequently confused by this and it will most likely infuriate your soon-to-be ex. Give your ex some time to get over the end of the relationship so that it doesn’t cause problems with the divorce proceedings.

2. Taking Divorce Questions to Friends For Legal Advice.

If your friend is a divorce lawyer, this is the only occasion to ask a friend for advice about your divorce. If not, leave the legal advice to the divorce attorneys who know what they are doing and know the intricacies of the law. It’s like asking for medical advice from someone who isn’t a medical professional. You’ll get conflicting divorce advice from well-meaning friends, and it will drive you crazy because you won’t know what to believe.

3. Hiring the Cheapest Lawyer.

Trying to get a cheap divorce isn’t always the best idea. You’ll want a divorce lawyer that will spend time with you and answer your questions. If the attorney’s fees frighten you, talk to him about it and ask for a flat fee – and ask him to outline the services he’d provide for this fee.)

4. Hiring the Meanest Lawyer.

The meanest lawyer isn’t going to get you the divorce support you want. A good lawyer can be assertive and still get you what you want. Besides, mean, obnoxious lawyers tend to anger the judges should your case go to trial. Hiring a mean attorney could be one of the most huge divorce mistakes you could make.

5. Ignoring the Truth.

You’ve made the decision to go forward with the divorce. Now is the time to be honest with yourself and make some changes. You’ve got to face the facts: divorce as well as marriage involves learning your lessons for each experience. What you want to do is make sure that you don’t find yourself falling into the same patterns that got you here and making the same mistakes you made before. Honor the truth you really

Technorati Tags: Common, Divorce, During, Five, Making, Mistakes, These

Donovan’s sob story a fairytale for U.S. * U.S. goal saviour in tears Read more on Reuters via Yahoo! Sports

Technorati Tags: Donovan's, fairytale, Story, U.S.

THE PROPOSAL

Short Fiction – A Love Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

I look at myself in the full-length mirror.

 

I like what I see.

 

Yes. I am beautiful, very beautiful, very very beautiful indeed!

 

No doubt about it. I always was a great beauty.

They say that a beautiful woman often has a tragic life.

Does tragedy always come from being a great beauty?

I don’t know whether this is universally true, but certainly, I have had a very tragic life. But I will not tell you too much about it right now and spoil my mood.  Now I will look into the mirror and admire myself, my exquisite body.

 

Not many women close to forty can stand in front of a mirror with so much pride and assurance. A woman in full bloom. I admire my perfect body; almost fall in love with my own body. Like Narcissus.

 

Suddenly I experience a tremor of anxiety as I see the first signs of the process of ageing. Infinitesimal. Almost indiscernible.  But indisputable.

 

Two minute furrows on my forehead, the slight coarsening of the skin below the eyes, the almost unnoticeable heaviness of the abdomen with its suggestion of fold….

 

I can easily cover them up. With make-up. And the right dress. But for how long can I wear a mask?

 

Time is running out for me. Sameer could be my last chance. I’m already regretting that I had put the matter so lightly the last time we had met, and before that. Tonight is my probably my last chance – I have to go in for the kill.

 

Love Trap.

What a phrase to use.

 

But that’s exactly what I’m going to do – ensnare Sameer in my Love Trap and move in for the kill.

 

Like a predator.

 

For the first time in my life I would use my beauty to my advantage, not to be taken advantage of – like it happened all these years. 

I was just 19, a fresh graduate wondering what to do in life, when my elder sister Nisha died in childbirth, leaving behind a newborn girl and a young heartbroken husband, Ashok.

 

We, my mother and I, went to stay with Ashok in Mumbai to nurse the baby girl and after a few months named her Smita – as she was a cheerful smiling baby.

From time to time, especially on weekends, my father, who was still working at that time, would come over from Pune, and I could see that he was getting quite irritable having to stay separate from his long-married wife though he didn’t say it.

 

One day Ashok proposed to me – actually he asked my mother for my hand in marriage.

 

My mother was overjoyed. She put lovingly her hand on my arm, looked into my eyes and said, “Ashok loves you, wants to marry you. He’s still young, only 27. He needs a wife. And Smita needs a mother.”

 

“Yes, Smita needs a mother,” I said tightly holding the baby wondering what would happen to the hapless baby is Ashok remarried someone else.

 

My mother spoke to my father. He agreed – to him it seemed quite a logical thing to do and maybe he was relieved that his much-married wife would be coming back to live with him.

 

So I got married to Ashok and I put on hold all my immediate dreams of higher studies, a career.

 

How should I describe my marriage?

 

No expectations, no disappointments, no role-ambiguity, a cordial relationship, a happy family, a blissful marriage – at least from the outside.

 

Children? Our children. Ashok’s and mine.

 

It just didn’t happen. With Nisha’s death, a little something in him had died. He must have loved her very much, intensely.

 

I accepted the situation with grace and tried to focus on being a good wife and a doting mother. As Smita grew older Ashok encouraged me to study, do an MBA, and start a career.

 

Ashok was married to his job. Things were fine, till one evening Ashok came home and broke the news that he had been passed over for promotion.

 

Ashok was shattered. He had worked sincerely, slogged hard, given his life for his career. He had remained loyal to his company without getting loyalty in return.

 

He felt terribly betrayed. For Ashok, after Nisha had gone, his career meant everything, and he just couldn’t take it, being sidelined in his career, having to work under his erstwhile juniors.

 

He just could not cope with this setback, so he tried to find solace in alcohol.

Within months he slipped into the abyss of alcoholism.

From a workaholic he became an alcoholic, bitter, cynical, and one day my world disintegrated. 

Ashok died in a car accident, driving home drunk.

 

I wish he had died in some better way.

 

So after eight years of marriage I found myself at the age of 27 with an 8 year old Smita, the light of my life, single, but not helpless as I was doing quite well in my career as a bank executive.

 

And now, Smita was 20, already working in my bank, and doing her MBA in the evenings, earning and learning, and I was so proud of her.

 

And then I fell in love – for the first time in my life I had fallen in love.

 

Let me tell you about it.

 

I still remember the day Sameer breezed into my office announcing that he would be working with me. “Hi, Nalini, I am Sameer, your new Deputy,” he announced superciliously, sitting down and lighting a cigarette.

 

“Put off that cigarette!” I shouted, “And don’t you dare come into my office unless I call you.

 

“Hey, Sweetie, you look red hot sexy when you are angry. My wife is going to be real jealous when I tell her how stunning my boss is,” he laughed mischievously.

 

“She won’t, when you tell her that your boss is a thirty five year old widow with college going daughter,” I retorted in anger and stormed out of my office to protest against his appointment for which I had not been consulted.

 

“Sameer is a genius,” my boss said, “the directors head-hunted him and managed to lure him over from our biggest rival with great difficulty. He’s going to rejuvenate your department…”

 

I got the message. This new man was a threat, and if I wasn’t careful it wouldn’t be surprising if he didn’t leap frog over me or even ease me out.

 

“I’m sorry Ma’am, I didn’t know the culture was so formal out here,” Sameer was contrite when I returned; “I’ll maintain decorum in future.”

 

“It’s okay,” I said, and began to tell him about our work.

 

Sameer was extremely intelligent, knowledgeable, supportive, open, sincere, affable and great to work with, but initially I kept my distance, treated him with forced geniality, tinged with wariness.

 

It was only during his painful divorce with his wife living in Delhi, the seeds of which seemed to have been sown much earlier and maybe the reason why he had relocated to Mumbai, that is when we became close and I often lent him my shoulder to cry on.

 

It was inevitable that we fell in love – lonely buddies with a thirst for life, soul-mates, attracted to each other, office-spouses who now needed to become real spouses.

 

Normally a man is supposed to make the first move, and I waited for Sameer to propose, but maybe he was shy, being seven years my junior. But I had waited long enough, maybe he too had waited long enough, and…I shuddered to think…if I lost him…I was thirty nine…Sameer was my last chance…my only love…soon my daughter Smita would go away too…I didn’t want to live the rest of my life like a loveless lonely maid.

 

I looked at the wall-clock. 7:30. Sameer would he here any time now to take me out for dinner. 

Normally we take Smita out with us too, but tonight I had insist that only the two of us, Sameer and me, would go, and surprisingly Smita doesn’t protest.

 

I put on the final touches of make-up, generously dabbed on my favourite perfume.

 

The door-bell rang. “Mummy, Sameer is here,” I heard Smita yelling.

 

I gave myself a final look in the mirror – I looked really gorgeous – yes, truly stunning, dressed to kill; I couldn’t have titivated better than this.

 

“Wow!” Smita said with delightful surprise in her eyes, “You look dashing!”

 

Sameer looked at me mesmerized.

 

He desperately tried to stop his eyes rove all over my body, even to places they it would be considered naughty.

 

“Hey, what’s with you two? Aren’t you going to go out fast and let me enjoy my TV and popcorn?” Smita teased.

 

Soon we were driving on Marine Drive towards our favourite restaurant, the best place for an unhurried romantic dinner.

 

“It’s a beautiful evening. Let’s sit by the sea,” Sameer said spontaneously, slowing down the car.

 

“I’d love to,” I said.

 

We sat close to each other on the parapet, facing the placid waters of the Arabian Sea, the lights of the ships in the distance, the twinkling stars in the clear sky above us, the sea breeze pure, refreshing.

 

“I want to say something…” Sameer hesitated.

 

“Say it!” I urged him.

 

“I wanted to ask…” he faltered.

 

“Ask. Please ask me,” I beseeched him.

 

Sameer looked at me, into my eyes, and said, “I want ask your permission to marry Smita. We love each other. We want to get married. I told her to tell you but Smita said I must ask you. She’ll do as you say…I promise I’ll keep her happy…” 

Sameer kept on speaking but his voice trailed off and his words did not register as my mind went blank…

 

 

 

THE PROPOSAL

Short Fiction – A Love Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2010

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Technorati Tags: fiction, Love, proposal, Short, Story

As you have read the wrong communication style is a recipe for disaster in your relationship.

Instead of just talking we need other tools; we need connection, and we need that especially before any attempt at communication. Connection is the key, and Tantra is the art of connection.

When men feel connected they want to talk more and are more open to hearing what their lovers are saying without feeling criticized. When women feel connected they want to talk less because they are not tying to forge the bond they felt was missing.

Seems like connecting causes there to be more of the balance that the different genders need.

Connecting non-verbally will save most of the relationships in doom today. With 40 million couples living sexless marriages and a 61 percent divorce rate we need something other than talking about it, to fix what is going on.

When women talk to each other or the kids about working together or making things better they don’t feel the same vulnerabilities to the extent that men do. Those vulnerabilities are namely fear and shame, and those feelings can cripple a man.

What couples need to do is to become aware of how each other reacts to a perceived stressful situation. If you understand that your man can not hear you when you are getting passionately engaged in conversation, don’t get mad, get connected. Think about connecting on a non verbal way before starting to try and fix anything verbally.

What generally happens is one or the other will wait until they are scared, hurt, angry or sad before trying to reconnect verbally in the relationship and that doesn’t work at all.

In my teaching of Tantra I help couples connect non-verbally with several effective tools to keep this cycle of fear based communication from happening and spinning out of control.

The most powerful one of these connection tools is called a spooning agreement.

As a couple, you can make an agreement that when you are starting down the road to conflict in conversation, one or the other can call spooning, with a hand gesture or a by saying spooning. The other needs to comply with this request.

Spooning is when the couple lays down with one in the front and the other behind, both facing the same way. Usually the one that calls spooning is behind. Once in this position you commence to breathe together. This is done for 5 minutes.

Breathing together creates harmony and breathing helps to combat the effects of cortisol. Generally in 5 minutes both partners have had time to get their bio-chemistry backed off a bit and even more in sync. Once that happens it’s hard for the couple to imagine why they might have been angry in the first place.

Keeping to your spooning agreement is a very tough thing to do when you are angry but remember this is about the commitment to the relationship, not about being right. Once you have spooned you will feel better connected and men will be able to listen more and women will be more empathetic to the man’s feelings of anxiety and shame.

We need to understand that the majority of men desire to please their partners and make them happy, and the majority of women want their men to feel appreciated and loved.

When women feel connected they talk from their hearts instead of their hurts. When men feel connected they listen from their hearts instead of their shame. And when that can happen, healing and love can flourish.

Technorati Tags: Cause, Communication, Divorce, Marriage, Part

StoryCorps New Orleans: The man who gives too much The letter from the Be the Match Foundation in Minneapolis arrived at Paul Slattery Jr.’s house in Mid-City in late March. Rusty Costanza , The Times-Picayune’I would like to think that people try to push the envelope a little… Read more on New Orleans Times-Picayune

Technorati Tags: gives, much, Orleans, StoryCorps

A restraining order is issued in America every 32 seconds. If you’re a father going through divorce, believe it or not, a restraining order or a false protection order against you is most likely in your future. If you are hit with a restraining order, you could lose your freedom, access to your children and your money without even knowing that it was happening.

How do I know this?

It happened to my father — My parents got divorced when I was two years old. Out of revenge my mom intentionally kept my dad out of my life. I never knew my own father. He missed me growing up. I am sure this sad fact influences my actions to this day.

And, most recently it happened to me!

When my ex-wife served me with a fraudulent protection order, it was as if I was attacked while blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. I didn’t see it coming and when I was hit with a divorce and a restraining order that prevented me from seeing my children – I felt helpless.

So, why would my Ex do such a despicable thing to me and our children you might ask?

7 Reasons Why Fathers Going Through Divorce Should Prepare for Getting Served with a Restraining Order

1. Your ex will want to end the relationship and come out as much of a “winner” as the law will allow (and believe me, it will allow a LOT!) I’m sorry to say it but our legal system is often manipulated in favor of women. If the husband was an actual abuser in any way, then yes, a restraining order should be served. If he actually committed a crime then he should be criminally charged and the kids taken away from him immediately. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and many innocent fathers are faced with fraudulent protection orders or restraining orders and dragged needlessly through the court system.

2. Your ex and her lawyer will want gain an advantage in a divorce. Many immoral divorce lawyers routinely advise women to get a restraining order so they can win custody, higher alimony and much more. That is exactly what my ex’s lawyer did to me.

3. Your ex will want to quickly get custody of your children without a hearing. Yes, this is possible! Moreover, your ex-wife can actually have a secret hearing that you are NOT even allowed to attend.

4. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides Federal funding for the States to set up “professional victims” groups, whose sole purpose is to discriminate against men and perpetuate the stereotype that men are abusers. That’s even if we are good, innocent dads in a bad marriage. This act financially incentivizes the “Divorce Industry” to take unnecessary actions against innocent fathers.

5. Your ex will simply watch you suffer because she’s angry. I went through nearly 2 years of restraining order hell because my ex was simply angry with me. Because of this, I was continually subjected to criminal prosecution. My ex actually went so far as to tell all of my children that I did not want to see them even though I was prevented from doing so by the restraining order. It took me four (4) court hearings just to re-establish visitation with them while all that time my ex was telling them that I just did not want to see them. To this day, despite everything I have done to get them back in my life, I am sure they still believe her lies to a certain extent.

6. Your ex will want to control and manipulate you. Many ex-wives want you to beg for their mercy. As a caring father you don’t want to be kept out of your children’s lives. You don’t want to miss their basketball games, softball games, martial arts competitions and dance recitals. You don’t want to miss their birthday parties and their graduations. You don’t want to miss watching your children grow up. If you don’t have the proper knowledge, women can hang your children that you dearly love, your financial independence and your freedom over your head to get whatever they want from you.

7. Your ex will want to stop you from modifying custody after your child expresses a desire to live with you. To make sure my children felt unloved by me my wife didn’t let me buy them any gifts. She never answered my phone calls. I was threatened not to show up when my son was very sick and in the hospital even though he asked for me to be there at his side. And, she told them lies about me. My oldest son didn’t speak to me for 11 months because of her lies.

These are just seven out of thousands of motives that women have to get a restraining order against innocent fathers. Now I wrote this article for one reason – and only reason only. I want to prepare to you for the inevitable. I didn’t think it would happen to me – yet it did and because I was unprepared, I went through 20 months of restraining order hell.

Because, I don’t want that to happen to you, I encourage you to get my FREE eBook: “Root of All Evil Part 1: How the Divorce Industry Steals Kids Away From Innocent Dads” Get it now at: http://www.RestrainingOrder911.com

Here’s to protecting yourself and your children today!

Technorati Tags: Divorce, Expect, Fathers', going, Order, Reasons, Restraining, Served, Should, through

Anthony Bourdain of ‘Kitchen Confidential’ fame sums up our current food scene in ‘Medium Raw’ Finally. After a decade of travels, Anthony Bourdain returns to the kitchen with a book that approaches the bombast and insight of “Kitchen Confidential,” the memoir that put him on the literary map. Read more on The Cleveland Plain Dealer

Technorati Tags: 'Kitchen, 'Medium, Anthony, Bourdain, Confidential', current, fame, food, Raw', scene, sums